Messy Buns & One Year of Growth

We've hit the one-year mark of our podcasting journey, and we're incredibly grateful for the support from our amazing listeners. As we celebrate this milestone, we also take a moment to discuss Men's Mental Health Month and the challenges men often face when expressing emotions and seeking help. Through sharing our own experiences of transitioning from a military life to civilian lifestyle, we explore the importance of having the right tools, resources, and support systems to navigate these significant changes.

By talking about our personal health challenges, we uncover how our emotions can impact our mental health, especially when going through a challenging time. We also dive into the topic of self-medicating and the role of lifestyle changes in creating the life we want. From spontaneous outings to discussing the latest firearm releases, we touch on a wide array of subjects that have shaped our lives and our understanding of mental health.

In addition to reflecting on our own experiences, we discuss the FN 545, a new firearm release, and the tragic submarine accident that left five people missing. We wrap up this anniversary episode by reminding ourselves and our listeners of the importance of taking care of our mental health and making time for ourselves. Join us in celebrating one year of learning, growing, and sharing our stories with you.

Chapters

• 0:12 Men's Mental Health and Toxic Masculinity
• 11:54 Therapy for Self-Created Problems
• 15:52 Health Challenges and Discoveries
• 19:35 Mental Health Awareness and Relationship Growth
• 29:48 Anxiety and Societal Standards
• 34:31 Spontaneous Day Out
• 39:52 FN 545 and Submarine Tragedy
• 45:43 Messy Butts and Shotguns Update

Transcript

Kim: 0:12

Well, 95% of the time my hair is always in a messy bun. obviously I'm a basic white gro her pumpkin spice lattes in the fall and her hair with her leggings and.

Maverick: 0:21

I have an uncontrollable addiction of firearms. Welcome back Episode 27, 6, 9. 9?.

Kim: 0:39

Maybe I don't know, but that doesn't matter, because it is actually our one year.

Maverick: 0:46

We've averaged one every two weeks through problems and TDYs and issues.

Kim: 0:51

Yes, yes, so it has been. It has been a learning journey, for sure It has been over a month since our last episode and it's been one year since we actually started our podcast, so we just want to say thank you first off to all of our fans and all of our friends and family, and whoever is out there in the world listening to us.

Maverick: 1:12

All 27 of you.

Kim: 1:13

That have stuck with us through the thick and thin and the.

Maverick: 1:15

How many subscribers do we have?

Kim: 1:17

Don't know.

Maverick: 1:19

How many fans do we have?

Kim: 1:20

Don't know A lot. Hopefully, maybe, i don't know I thought about maybe we should create a little TikTok page.

Maverick: 1:27

How many people follow the Instagram page?

Kim: 1:30

Let's see here On Instagram we have a total of 95 followers All 95 of you.

Maverick: 1:41

We thank you on joining us on this crazy journey.

Kim: 1:46

We've learned a lot, so I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot just through podcasting. on the equipment you need to have proper equipment so you don't have issues.

Maverick: 1:58

I've learned that if you are busy people, podcasting is very difficult.

Kim: 2:02

Yes, i've learned that also, because that has been one of our struggles, for sure, but we've made it through and that's what matters. We're here, we're queer, we're here, just I'm just kidding.

Maverick: 2:14

No, this is Men's Health Month.

Kim: 2:17

What is that? What is that? often We're here, we're queer, we're something, i don't know. Probably one of those movies that you can't even make anymore that gets canceled.

Maverick: 2:24

It's probably Queer Eye for the Street Guy.

Kim: 2:26

No, no, it was a movie that was like a blockbuster movie or something. It was like we're here, we're queer, i don't know. I think I've said it before actually.

Maverick: 2:35

Well, i'm definitely not queer, But we do not look down upon those who are Absolutely not, we do have friends who are queer. It is LGBTQI2A plus month.

Kim: 2:48

It is Gay Pride Month.

Maverick: 2:50

Yes, And it's also Men's Health Month.

Kim: 2:53

Did you get prostate checked?

Maverick: 2:54

No, men's Mental Health Awareness Month.

Kim: 2:56

It is honey, and I am here for you, and I know you've been there for me. Yeah, too bad.

Maverick: 3:00

The rest of the world is too busy supporting a rainbow flag to care about Men's Health Month.

Kim: 3:04

Well, I care about Men's Mental Health Month. I care about Men's Mental Health. I think it.

Maverick: 3:08

I think the only thing that bothers me about it is like Everybody makes Pride Month a huge thing And you see everybody going to big rallies and big parades But nobody's talking about Men's Mental Health Month, because we're not supposed to talk about our mental health.

Kim: 3:21

I think Men's Mental Health should be way more recognized than it is, because I feel like, not that trying to single anyone, not that women don't go, but men put up with a lot Like it's normal, as you would say, for a woman to go through emotions or show emotions or show things in that nature of having meltdowns or crying, and it's not looked at as a weakness to where I feel like with men it's looked down upon.

Maverick: 3:48

It's absolutely looked at. It's looked at as a weakness. But you just can't talk about it though.

Kim: 3:53

Right, because, like You're, supposed to be strong.

Maverick: 3:55

But here's the thing, right. So if you show your emotion or you break down or cry or try to talk to people about it, you get seen as a weak man or you get looked at as like, are we trying to change something? or it's like you're not as strong as you're supposed to be. It's like, bro, we're supposed to eat that shit and swallow it. But then if you tell people it's like no, i don't talk about my emotions, like I'm a man, i don't do that Right, then you're seen as toxic masculinity and you're part of the problem. So like it just doesn't get discussed because you're damned if you do, damned if you go in this stupid ass, woke ass culture that has emerged itself.

Maverick: 4:30

So, like you, just don't talk about it. And if you do talk about it, well, you're seen as weak by those of us who practice the old guardways of manliness. But those of us who do practice that way, oh, we're the problem because we're toxic masculinity. And to me that's the problem with the world right now is there's not enough toxic masculinity left in the world to represent men as what men need to be.

Kim: 4:51

And those who do represent it, we're seen as like bigots or warmongers or like mentally unstable, when, like, we're the most stable, like we're the most stable people on the planet Right, Well, that's why I, like, I also try to like tell you, you know, like it's okay to have to show emotions because, like, yes, to be the strong, like, and all that stuff, but it's okay to have moments and not be okay or have breakdowns, or because, like men, you struggle a lot, like you said, like you were saying like, internally, mentally in your mind, that you're not allowed to, as society says, to express or talk about it out there with someone. So that's why, like, i always try to like if I notice little things.

Maverick: 5:34

Well, there's, there's ways to do it. Like you should always like me as a man personally, like I always like, regardless of how I feel about something, i always try to be strong for you, right? Because like I'm supposed to be your provider and your protector, like that's the way I'm supposed to be. That's the way I was raised, that's the way my dad was, that's the way my granddad was right.

Kim: 5:55

But as for my role is to also be there for you in those moments where it's like to let you know that it's okay to break down.

Kim: 6:04

Like that yes, you're there for me and that doesn't change the way I view you You still are my protector but that I am there for you in the, in your times where you really need to let things out and like and need help in that area to be your strength, where I, where you have weaknesses, you know what I mean. Like to be there for you in those type of situations.

Maverick: 6:24

But I also think that's like why I distance myself sometimes, like not push myself away. It was like like why I play video games, or like why I'll dive down rabbit holes and research and looking for something, or like trying to learn, learn something else, like to just escape from the aside, like to escape the reality that is right now and like not deal with stuff, like I'll dive into a new game or like go down the rabbit hole and research something that I care about and like just figuring out like how do I not think about what I'm thinking about right now, and then like time, you know just takes care of, like it'll go away, but that doesn't solve like underlying issue of things like really bother me because it happens again.

Maverick: 7:04

It's like, well, i need to like decompress again.

Kim: 7:06

Yeah, I feel like I go through that too. You know, it's like like I'm teetering, like I feel like I'm doing really well and I'm like doing things that are keeping my mind off of the issues of what the world is throwing on all of us or that's whatever is triggering me or causing me to have like these random emotional breakdowns or anxieties or whatever. And then when I'm on that pattern and doing really well, I haven't really resolved anything.

Maverick: 7:31

I've just found something to distract myself for the time being, and a bandaid on a bandaid.

Kim: 7:36

And then next thing, i know, like you said, finding a new rabbit hole, finding a new thing, because, like I can deep dive into a good you know fantasy, you know book or whatever, and then once it's over, or like read all these books or like find something to do to occupy my time. But then once I kind of get out of that of into the, the phase of like, oh, it's okay, let a little bit here and there is fine, or kind of, i kind of start start noticing myself reverting backwards And it's like I'm not trying to go backwards, i'm trying to continue to go forward. So where am I going wrong that I'm losing? that? you know, just banned, but, like you said, just bandating it, you know, so it's.

Maverick: 8:18

I feel like that's a lot of what men do anymore. It's like we don't. I mean there's solutions to the problem right, But like therapy is very well. Yeah, I'm not going to.

Kim: 8:30

Oh, I know you're not, but like I don't want anyone to think, i don't want any men out there to therapy therapy.

Maverick: 8:34

therapy is an option, right, but I would, i wouldn't go to therapy unless, like I had a true reason Like to go to therapy.

Maverick: 8:42

Like let me paint a hypothetical situation for you, right? One thing is, I teach in my courses that if you ever have to defend yourself in a defensive sin like defend yourself in an imminent, in a deadly threat, right Where you're forced to take life to preserve life, I teach in my courses like that type of trauma is a real thing And it is okay to seek therapy or counsel in in friends, family, churches, professional counseling, like whatever you need, right? Like that might be something I seek therapy for. Like I tried therapy when I got out of the military for some of the things that I had to do. I was there but eventually, like I just had to come to terms with it And like I was more angry at myself for going to therapy than I was. Like not going to therapy, Yeah, Cause like I was just sitting in therapy. The problem with therapy for veterans is it's very hard to find a veteran therapist.

Kim: 9:41

Yeah, i was just thinking that you took the words out of my mouth.

Maverick: 9:44

It understands how your mind works because there's so many therapists today, especially like with this. Like that new better help or get help app or whatever. Like the therapist is a dime a dozen, but find one who can identify with you. Like how much money are you gonna have to spend to find the right therapist? and by the time you get there, like that therapist, like if you find out like a combat vet or a vet bro Who really understands and can help you through, like you already are jaded on. Like having to go through therapist after therapist after therapist and they have to undo all of that crap to finally get to the real problem. Right, and when we use myself, i was like I'm not gonna set on some random couch and talk to some random stranger about my problems.

Kim: 10:30

Yeah, no, i understand it, cuz like, and that's why. I always told you like I'm very picky about my therapist and I felt like I've had a struggle lately finding one because I am like that, like if I go to one session and I feel like it's not right, or like I'm reading all their stuff and it doesn't sound like they even care to really I'm just another Client on the books for them, then I'm not wasting my time, like I'm very hard on myself with finding the right therapist.

Maverick: 10:56

But that's also like where my toxic masculinity, i guess, comes into play, cuz I was like it's my problems, i'll deal with it, and like I'm just gonna tell myself to get the fuck over it, like have some Internal and intestinal and like mental fortitude moments. I would even say come to Jesus, like I'm just gonna have cement, like build some mental fortitude, and I think over the years it's really changed me as a person like I don't care nearly as much about other people's feelings as I used to.

Kim: 11:27

I don't know if I said I feel like people who are close to me. I'm a compassionate person, but you definitely you don't let anyone who you don't care about waste your time like if you know that you can't Help or control any situation.

Kim: 11:40

You're not gonna let it. Like me, on the other hand, like I'm someone who, if I see someone you need your help, like I want to help, depend on me depending on if I care about them or not, but like you know what I mean. Like sometimes I like take that on like I need a problem solvers and you're like There's nothing you can do about it.

Maverick: 11:54

I think another thing that really grinds my gears. You know, real chaps my plus, tell me it's a unnecessary therapy. Problems right. So like If people just have some bullshit problems, like self created problems, or like problems that they could, they could change if they just stop being a lazy piece of shit, or like no, i'm just kidding like if the like first world problems kind of thing.

Maverick: 12:23

It's like, if you, if you're, if you're, if you're always, woe is me and my life sucks, and like I don't know about to do about this. Like, have you taken steps to try and change that? like, if you no-transcript, i can pick myself up out of the dirt and, like dust myself off. It's like I did. I may have failed, but also found a way. It's super cliche, but I also found a way not to do that. Right, like, have your own after-action review your own like lessons learned and keep a mental note of like don't do that anymore. Right, right, but if you haven't made progress to try and fix your situation and all yours, like oh is me Right, and like, or your problems really aren't problems, it's like we all go through that. It's not a problem. That's called life.

Maverick: 13:07

Right, you know it's like I have no sympathy for you.

Kim: 13:09

Yeah, like cuz you can find people you can confide in to talk to, and if you can't, then you should. But like if you have something That's way more than just the average every day.

Kim: 13:18

What a normal person average show is going through, then yes, you, it's okay, like, guess, go to therapy, find the help you need. If you're reading all the books and it's not helping or you're trying to seek out things, it's not working, like, reach out to somebody at least, versus constantly throwing a pity party for yourself and saying the whole, like you said, the woe was me, you know boo-hoo story, but yeah, yeah, dr Pepper, not beer. But I'll never forget the day that I actually went with you to your therapist because, oh, yeah.

Kim: 13:47

You went through a couple you know, at first and you were very like this is stupid, but I have to go do this. And then you finally found someone who actually, like literally took the words. I'll never forget. Like you said, he literally took the words right out of your mouth. You are used to do Form structure. This is it, this is your job, this is what you need to do. You do it, you get it done. You're there's a form, there's a way of time of this and that, and then you get into the civilian role where it's not me, not my problem, not my job, i don't care. And you're like what, like they? just there's no action.

Maverick: 14:21

And so that I just walked around like my first year getting out of the military was very hard transition for me. Yeah to the civilian workforce where, like people, just didn't give a shit about anything.

Kim: 14:32

Yeah.

Maverick: 14:33

And like I walked around for a year just ready to punch holes in people.

Kim: 14:37

Yeah, I remember that you were and I was always trying to like support you whatever you wanted to do to find that, and Then you kind of would run into people who were veterans but they were already kind of like assimilated. A similar yeah, like I wasn't saying like succumbing, is that the right word?

Maverick: 14:51

Yeah, it's a little bit to the civilian.

Kim: 14:53

So there was all that bullshit Acclimated there you go, whatever. So when you finally found that there, like I remember you came, you're like I finally found someone and you actually had asked me to go with you because you found found someone that really kind of understood What you were going through and so That was kind of cool. He was a cool guy.

Maverick: 15:13

Yeah, I like him.

Kim: 15:15

But I mean, yeah, it is hard, it is very hard to find a therapist, but I don't ever want anyone to feel like, even as a man or woman or whoever, that You can't find someone to talk to or reach out to anyone, a friend or whatever it like. I mean, i've done it plenty of times. We're all sit there and sometimes you just get the last thing you want is to be in Your own head so far deep that you feel you have can't get out.

Kim: 15:37

Yeah, you can't get out of it and sometimes, like You know, you feel like it doesn't matter whether you feel like you're going crazy because I've done that, like I feel like I'm going crazy Or something's wrong with me, and I know there's nothing wrong with me, but my mind is constantly going non-stop.

Maverick: 15:52

Yeah, there was a. What was it? It was a good year and a half period. You you legitimately thought something was wrong with you, like how many times that we go to the doctor and how many tests, like you literally had every test known to man.

Kim: 16:07

I think I haven't had as a full body in MRI, but yes, yes, you've had x-rays and MRIs. I had a CT scan same thing.

Maverick: 16:16

No, it's not and head scans and all the.

Kim: 16:18

MRIs are not the same as CT.

Maverick: 16:20

You've had multiple panels of blood work done. Like every time, the doctor is like there's nothing wrong with you.

Kim: 16:28

No, the only thing they found was that I do have an allergen like, like in the atmosphere, which I've always known because I was allergies and acid reflux.

Kim: 16:38

Yes, i have the GERD, so so there's that. And I now have a new thing migraines, which is, which is a whole adjustment. Like I thought I knew what migraines were like. I did not. I had headaches, like Everyone has headaches, the headache, oh, my headache. I have a splitting headache, whatever. And I always thought, like when people said, like migraines, it kind of would be like a splitting headache. Well, i Don't know this whole.

Kim: 17:00

I was telling you last night, during, like my mental breakdown, like I don't know if it's like the over 30s or whatever it is, of your body changing and having that first actual migraine where I, i, i never I really thought like I was constantly taking ibuprofen all the time, like I thought something was wrong, like I, my head was pounding 24-7.

Kim: 17:24

I was nauseous, like I was dizzy, my vertigo was off, went to the doctor. They're like you, probably, you sounds like you have migraines, like I couldn't move, like the light, everything. And then I also noticed like The older you get, the more your mother nature decides to Turn on you, and, hormone wise, like I feel like my hormones now are just completely out of act during that time of the month. It's, it's insane, but in here, like, yes, i did. I did go through a time where I thought and Sometimes like I thought, everything in the world was wrong with me. I ended up having an endoscopy done, found out everything inside of me was normal. First time I'd ever been put under in my life was Traumatized by anesthesia.

Kim: 18:06

Yes, cuz you can die. You can die from it. The doctor's like it's gonna be okay. Just think of a nice relaxing beach. And I was like I do like the beach. He was playing hip-hop in the background. I woke up, told the nurse I thought he was cute, didn't even really know what he looked like. But he let me sleep for an extra 15 minutes I guess, until I finally woke up. But I'd never been under in my life before.

Maverick: 18:28

Great, now I gotta kill a nurse.

Kim: 18:30

No, he was older, he wasn't even that cute when actually he came back to us if I was. okay, so but I. Mean but no like. And that's when I found out I had the allergen and I do notice when I don't take my allergy medicine and Other than that and my life.

Maverick: 18:44

My allergies kick my, i guess.

Kim: 18:46

I guess, like I just I mean, i've never had issues like besides the seasonal allergies like I grew up in Texas my whole life and then My mom and I were talking one day, when I was a kid, i did live in New Hampshire for a year and I got very sick, like I guess my body Didn't acclimate well to the atmosphere and I got asthma. I had an asthma attack when I was nine and was hospitalized for a week and that's where I got my fear of the butter. I called the butterfly needle, where they can take your blood, the little winged needle.

Maverick: 19:14

Okay.

Kim: 19:15

Like that bitch, she stuck it in my hand and she was wiggling it around. I was. I'm traumatized by that thing, but it was cool because back then, like when they had to get breathing treatments They probably still do for kids, but they had like all the like dinosaur masks and stuff, so you got to wear like different. But yeah, i was hospitalized so but other than that, like I never experienced anything like that. So when I moved up here to Maryland, like I Was, like I can't like feel like I couldn't breathe a lot, like something was always wrong, like it just. And I noticed when I don't take, you know, my Allergy medicine, i definitely noticed the difference. And now I know that there is migraine medicine That is different from ibuprofen and that definitely helps when you have migraines, not when you have headaches. If you just have a headache it's not really gonna help you. But Anyhow, like I mean, i've Thought about is somebody here?

Maverick: 20:08

like west is here Oh okay, that's scary.

Kim: 20:11

It's like I hear someone in the house, so anyhow. But I mean I've thought about possibly Maybe getting back on something, but I've noticed that it's only during my cycle that I really kind of get out. I mean I think I've been doing better. I mean As you sit there in silence.

Maverick: 20:30

I mean asking you well, the, the, this, like our recent, like our recent weeks, is not a good judge, because I was TDI for three weeks I don't, and you always kind of fall apart when I go to do I.

Kim: 20:44

I do good when you're gone for a week, but I like don't get so like the first week in a week or two weeks. I was fine the last week, which also I just started my period. So I've we've noticed that the week before my period starts is kind of when shit hits the fan.

Maverick: 21:00

You from home. Shit still hits the fan.

Kim: 21:02

Yeah, i totally had a meltdown last night. Threw up trip was great, but was it great?

Maverick: 21:07

bro, we were sitting on the couch and you just like burst into sobs.

Kim: 21:14

But that's not the point We have.

Maverick: 21:15

And, like I, couldn't help but laugh, and not because I thought it was funny, i know, i know, just because like I'm looking at the whole gravity of the situation, right, and like I even told you it's like this is not funny. But like the funny part to me was like we're just sitting there and you just like burst into sobs And I'm just like, because I don't like it, it'll just happen.

Kim: 21:36

I don't like when I don't feel good and when I'm out of control of my body. Like I don't like that feeling If I don't feel like I'm in control or something's wrong. Because the moment I feel something's wrong, my mind instantly gets triggered back to severe anxiety attacks or things from the past. I'm like I don't want to feel like I'm going backwards And it's like I told you last night, like I don't want you to ever think that I'm going backwards. So that's why.

Kim: 22:03

But yeah, we have established that when you're gone for a long period of time, tty it's not always worked out, especially like the last week was really kind of rough for me. But I sat there and I thought like how the hell did I do it for two years? And then I look back and I think why also, kind of like drink a lot, like not going to lie, like I pretty much drink like every day, versus now, like we don't drink. We drink on the weekends and I might have a drink here or there during the week, like a Y claw here, a Y claw there, but like we don't drink during the week. Like I used to, i used to drink. I'd get home, do?

Maverick: 22:41

you use to drink a bottle of wine a night.

Kim: 22:44

Yes, i used to drink a bottle of wine at night, like I would drink because I would always buy a box of wine because it was cheaper, so I really didn't count. I would pour glass, like to me a glass of wine is a nice full glass of wine. Well, that's like two glasses, which is technically four glasses of wine, because you're only having two glasses and the bottle is gone, and I would have like four of those at night, like until I fell asleep. And I remember one time I got a hair at my ass a few months back No, this was last year I had stopped drinking wine, like I'll have wine here and they're like don't get me wrong, i still love my wine on occasion, but I don't drink it like I used to. And I remember one time I it was on whatever a weekend, and I was like man, wine sounds so good.

Kim: 23:25

And so we got a bottle of wine and I thought, I could crush my bottle of wine Like no big deal on my part. I remember the next day I was miserable and. I remember telling you I don't know how I used to do it, and you looked at me and you go think about it. Babe, you used to do this every day And I'm like I don't know, no wonder.

Maverick: 23:46

You also used to be miserable every day.

Kim: 23:49

I was.

Maverick: 23:49

I'm not that miserable anymore That miserable, anymore I don't like to think.

Kim: 23:54

I don't like to think. I'm doing better.

Maverick: 23:56

No, I would agree. You've come a long way.

Kim: 23:59

It was a really hard time for me and I think you know we've grown a lot. Our communication is a lot better than what it used to be, like we talk about everything and I'm very happy with our relationship. And I'm going to cry because I'm an emotional mystery, not a good time to talk about something. Oh, thanks, when you're on a period, i mean, it's full for a pit yesterday, so I am full of emotions all the way, like I'm very, very a needy woman right now, but anywho. So I just think. I think mental awareness is just kind of circling back.

Kim: 24:43

It's just you should be aware on all friends, both men and women not just women, but men need it just as much too. They need to know that they have someone to talk to And I like that we are people. I like to think that our friends trust and come to us, that they can tell us anything And like, even like our girlfriends, your guy friend, like whatever that, even when it comes to something that as close as you and I are, like you can have a conversation with someone and they can trust that you're not going to come and blab it to me.

Kim: 25:09

Just like my girlfriends can trust me or like a friend of ours. That is like, or vice versa is like.

Maverick: 25:14

I have people that talk to you that you're the same and guy friends, that same for me. Well, i think it's because people realize we understand like we have been through a lot together And we also. We aren't necessarily the I saw this in a quote. We aren't necessarily the people that have people. We are the people that other people have.

Kim: 25:36

Yeah.

Maverick: 25:37

Right, like we don't really have people, but we are the, we are the people, other people have, i have some people. Right, But like.

Kim: 25:44

I got some blonde hoes.

Maverick: 25:46

If our friends wanted to talk to us as a couple, then they would talk to us as a couple, absolutely. So, like some of the things, if your girlfriends wanted to talk to you, it's like, oh, you're talking with us. Like, oh, we were just talking about. Like, they want to talk to me about some stuff. I was like, cool, yeah, like that's not my place to.

Kim: 26:02

To like to know everything, same thing with you. Like, you'll tell me, like, oh, nothing to worry about. I'm like, okay, what if you, if you felt the need to tell me, you would tell me.

Maverick: 26:08

Our friends realize that we have that separation because there's not everything that everybody needs to know, right.

Kim: 26:14

Right And like and we're not perfect by any means, and I think that's what our friends that do confide in us, like, have come to realize, and the ones that have been there from the beginning or even knew like that would never think anything like, oh, you guys have gone, like, yeah, you have no idea, like what we've been through, but we have grown so much.

Kim: 26:32

And that's what makes us who we are And our love has just. You know. You know we're not perfect, we've gone through some stuff, but I think what we are So, going back to like your emotions, you know what I wish.

Maverick: 26:45

Like was a possibility.

Kim: 26:47

What.

Maverick: 26:48

Is to trade lenses for a day.

Kim: 26:50

See, i think that. But then I feel like if I saw you I would be way more traumatized and wish I would have never. Just seen that. I want to rewind like, not like like black mirror type shit.

Maverick: 27:02

Not like our past traumas, like not past traumas and shit we've had to deal with like not our internal demons?

Kim: 27:08

right, okay, yes.

Maverick: 27:11

But like I wish we could trade mindsets for a day.

Kim: 27:13

Okay.

Maverick: 27:14

I could see the world through your mindset.

Maverick: 27:17

Like you're you. You want to see the good in people and you want to believe that everything is positive and like see the world how you see it and like process information as you process it and have the emotions that you have. But I would also want you to experience the way I see the world and like why I process information, the way I process Now, is that is that from past traumas and past things we've done and things we've witnessed? Absolutely I wouldn't wish the pain like the mental, the mental pain, the physical pain and the anguish that I had to go through to become the man I am today. I don't want you to ever have to experience that which is I see the way I see it. I see the world the way I see it because I want to shelter you from ever having to see that right, so like I will take that full on, so you don't have to see it.

Kim: 28:09

Yeah, and I do that too with people Like I know mine. I'm not trying to compare like obviously, like you've experienced things that I've never, I hope to never experience in my life, you know, or things or something like that, And I know there are things that I've gone through that you've never you know had to deal with And I don't want yeah And I don't.

Kim: 28:25

I would never wish what I've ever gone through on anyone and like I always. You know if anyone has ever come to me about like anxiety or things like like I I'm of call, like call me a bitch and I don't care, or harsh, but I am very strict. I hate like. I'm very thankful that anxiety is talked about today, but it drives me insane how leisurely it's used It. It pisses me off because every time I turn I have anxiety. I have anxiety. There's a difference between being anxious and full on having anxiety and having anxiety attacks and full on fight or flight moments. You think the world is ending And like I can't stand people who are just like I'm anxious. I have anxiety because they're stressed about something versus out of nowhere. You're having a perfectly good day And next thing you know the world, the sky is falling. You don't know what the hell is wrong with it. You're out of control of your body. You think you're dying. You can't, you know.

Kim: 29:23

It's because the societal standard is weak And I'm and I'm very mean about that And I try not to be because I'm very understanding, but I just when I just see the like I'm not saying that I know what everyone goes through, but I just, the way is just, everyone is like I have anxiety, i have anxiety And I'm like do you, or are you just anxious about something and you just need to kind of breathe it through, talk it out?

Kim: 29:48

versus like really, like I mean I've gone to the hospital thinking I'm fucking dying. Like I've gone to the hospital thinking like the world is ending. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm crazy. They're going to put me on the fifth floor, ninth floor, whatever.

Maverick: 30:01

Give you one of those self-hugging jackets.

Kim: 30:03

Yeah, put me in the white powdered powdered powdered White powdered room. Catted room Okay.

Maverick: 30:07

Don't even want to thank you.

Kim: 30:09

But versus when I go there, like the first time I ever got out of it in a hospital, like I remember pleading to the nurse telling her I wasn't crazy, like I swear I'm not crazy, and she told me she's like you're not, you're having an anxiety attack, but you need to give me consent to give you this medicine, otherwise it's not. And then like to calm you down And she's like you're not crazy. But that's when I came to kind of realize You's crazy.

Kim: 30:34

No, no. Anxiety versus like and it was scary, it is scary. So when I do get a hint of anxiousness, like, i do worry. It is a trigger for me And I do try to work through that Like, and especially when I had a night terrors too, it just is a whole nother issue on its own, i just think.

Maverick: 30:53

I think people are using anxiety anymore who don't understand it as a crutch, because Agree yes. The social standard has. we are a society of weak standards, like, for example, it's 2023. Think of the caliber of man and woman that were walking the streets in 1923. Right, like every man knew how to build a log cabin. Like every man knew how to plow a field.

Kim: 31:19

Not every man knows how to even remotely change a tire right now.

Maverick: 31:22

Right, like a woman knew how to be a homemaker. A woman knew how to be a homesteader. A woman knew how to make a family survive should her man dive like dysentery or typhoid fever. Right, and yeah, the flu, the polio. Like we had men we just fought the First World War. Like storming beaches and women working in factories making bullets. And now they got to put. Like carve manuals used to tell you how to adjust the valve latch and you're the valve lash in your engine. Now it tells you don't drink the contents of the battery. Like it's. Because I've said this before on this podcast hard men create good times. Good times create weak men. Weak men create hard times. We are in the transition of weak men create hard times well, that's like have you seen that?

Kim: 32:18

it's an old meme where it's a good time to get a good life style changes in the line is empty. And then the simple problem of I have this, this and this. Let me just get a pill and my all my problems will be solved and everyone would just have the easy fix of take this supplement versus. I may not need this pill. If I just do some lifestyle changes, that will help and then I'll know if I really need something, like I don't mean I have nothing, because I mean I've been on medication or whatever, but I.

Kim: 32:48

There's nothing wrong with taking medicine, but like what are you doing in your lifestyle? that is causing this are you actually doing something to help?

Maverick: 32:57

it's like saying like oh, i'm fat, so I need to get liposuction yeah, or I need to be on? what is it like them? or no? no, what is? is that what? it is the weight loss thing for diabetes but let me like. My example is like I'm fat, so I need to get liposuction. I won't be fat anymore.

Maverick: 33:12

Well, you eat three dominoes, pizzas and a 12 pack of Dr Pepper every day yeah, right, so maybe try a salad maybe try not eating three pizzas and a case of Dr Pepper every day and see if you're not fat anymore right, yeah, exactly, yeah, true, or yeah, or maybe everybody wants instant gratification, instant fixes. Nobody's really to work for it exactly like oh, i won't say nobody, i'll say the majority of the American populace right.

Kim: 33:37

Yeah, it's like the same thing, like everybody is hiring, but then everyone says nobody's hiring, it's just no, you just don't want you don't want to work you don't want to work or you don't want to work there, you don't.

Kim: 33:47

You don't have to work there forever, but at least it's something for the time being, versus sitting on your ass and complaining about it. Like if I lost my job tomorrow I wouldn't sit here, i pissed, but like I wouldn't sit here and just rely on you. I would be out looking for something. Or you know what. If I got to go work down at the grocery store for the time being, until something else comes along in my career path, then so be it. But at least I'm contributing to society today, is that right?

Maverick: 34:17

yes, okay, go work for Vincent Castle Bay sure he said oh hi, i mean heartbeat.

Kim: 34:24

That is something to I also kind of want to just address real quick with mental health as well. You know, a lot of us, the world we kind of live in, everyone wants to be a home body, but sometimes you need to go out and especially if you're in a relationship, you get so caught up in so many things and sometimes you just need a day out doing something. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, it can just be going in window shopping somewhere, but like taking that time and actually Saturday yeah, like sat and that's like Saturday.

Kim: 34:56

You know, we just went to go. You had to go pick up your guns, for plan was okay, we'll go pick up the gun and then we'll just go. You know, come back home, hang out, you know, enjoy the day outside. It was a really beautiful day. We'll take the bike, it'll be a nice ride. And I was thinking, you know, something we've always enjoyed is going to Pip's Dock Street down in Annapolis, which you should go if you've never been to Pip's.

Kim: 35:17

Dock Street dogs most the best hot dogs. Like I don't need hot dogs but they like I'm like, i'm down for some pips and so you don't demolish Pip's hot dogs so I thought like okay, you've been gone for three weeks, like this would be.

Kim: 35:29

I wonder if you, if you, would be down. I was like no, he just got home. I think the last thing he wants to go do is go down to Annapolis on a Saturday. So I didn't say anything but I like had this whole conversation play out in my head as you were cooking breakfast as I was cooking breakfast.

Kim: 35:41

So then we went to go. We were on our way to get the gun and then you said, hey, you want to go to Pip's and get some food later. And I was like, oh my god, yes, you like spoke to my heart, it just a further moment thing. So we said, okay, we'll go get the gun, we'll, you know, come back home we'll hop on the bike and we'll go downtown. And then what was supposed to just be a we were sitting at Pip's.

Kim: 36:06

Go grab lunch like so you want to go to Castle Bay and have a beer, and they were like okay, so we went to Castle Bay and had a beer. That turned into more drinks, and to a really great time so well I reached out to.

Maverick: 36:19

We were. We were sitting there having a beer and it was kind of dead and I've been real good friends with the with the owner, since I went to school here, and I asked the new girl behind the bar if he was here. She's like I'll know who'll be in later for the, the band that's coming in. So we were looking, we were looking around for speak easy like speak easy esque type places and I really like that parlay room. It wasn't really a speak easy but no but they were good they were good, i liked.

Kim: 36:51

I liked their, i like their old fashioned, it was good yeah, they're in the char koochee board was good yeah, we never did try that, harold Blacks place no, we ended up going back to.

Maverick: 37:03

Castle Bay because our friend, our, friend was working.

Kim: 37:05

Yeah, and Vince ended up being there.

Maverick: 37:08

Yeah and Vince had a really good conversation. Always have a good conversation with him. Why?

Kim: 37:11

don't see him that often and he's got, he's from Ireland just has the accent and just such a sweetheart so the band was really good.

Maverick: 37:20

Drunken scholars yes, they were so they were Irish Irish folk band and they were really good they were really good.

Kim: 37:27

It was a.

Maverick: 37:28

We had a really really good time saying whiskey in a jar and rambling bog and yeah a whole mess of a good time so definitely felt it the next day then went and sang a little karaoke little sang, a little karaoke at our little hole in the wall bar.

Kim: 37:44

We had been doing a while that we like to go to appear sometimes, but sometimes just like things like, like spur the moment, things like we were, we thought we were going to.

Maverick: 37:53

Just we did not plan on making an evening of it. No, we're just gonna get hot dogs to go home yeah and so.

Kim: 37:58

But it ended up being a really good time and like those things for us, like we're really well and you know, just sometimes just kind of spur the moment things going on and doing something, even if it is just to. I mean, we've had it where, hey, let's go to Best Buy or let's go to one day we were driving, we're like, let's go to medieval times that was such a good time but sometimes like and you don't like.

Kim: 38:19

Yes, those things cost money, but sometimes it doesn't even have to be that. It can be a simple like if you have a hiking place next to you, some something that's free, you know, just to get out, enjoy the weather sometimes, take a drive, just listen to music. Take a drive and listen to music, you know. Or go for a walk or something, just I don't know. Mental health is very, very important and I am a huge supporter of it, like of getting whatever help you need in any way.

Maverick: 38:49

That is like don't ever I don't ever want anyone ever feel today if everyone, anyone ever come in like I'm seeking help for my mental health. I'm not going to judge them no, but then when I get home, i'm going to reflect on what type of mental health you need. You think you have, and then I might secretly judge you. In my mind it's like you. You don't really need help, you just need to grow up.

Kim: 39:08

I want everyone like our. My door is always open, like I've always said, like I'm always willing to talk to anyone. We've always been that way. Whatever our friends need, no matter how big or small, meticulous, meticulous, whatever, no matter how meticulous it is. Sometimes I know on this podcast I'm sure I've probably made myself sound stupid, sputtering out random words, but you mentioned it, so I'm going to talk about it so oh got a new toy got a little time we got plenty of time right, we're at 40 minutes

Kim: 39:46

now, we got plenty of time so I think this records up to 60. So, yeah, wonderful yeah.

Maverick: 39:52

So, as most of you know, i am an fn fanboy, fn America. So I just got the newest release from fn, the fn 545. It is their I crew fired pistol built on the 509 frame and 45 ACP, 18 plus one capacity. Except I got cooked by the communist state of Maryland stuck with 10 round mags, so I'll have to go find some elsewhere outside of this wonderful state. Overall first impressions, i absolutely am in love with this firearm. It's going to be my new carry firearm because it is small enough that I can. I can carry it comfortably and conceal it well. I have topped it with another hollow son optic, the hs 507 CX, to absolutely love this optic. I've got one on my fnx.

Maverick: 40:44

The only complaint I have about this particular firearm is the trigger in this one. It's a little squishy at first with the new built in trigger safety and the wall is a little squishy. But from the reviews that I've read online, like Hickok 45 did one of these as well. With a couple hundred rounds that loosens up. So it'll it'll even itself out and it's only a matter of time before they come out with aftermarket triggers and everything form. But I absolutely love this. It fits the hand better than the FNX does because it's the grip textures a little more aggressive and it's not as wide. It's still a double stack. But the way they built it on the 509 platform I'm super happy with it.

Maverick: 41:26

I haven't shot this one suppressed yet so I'll have to look into it. Of course, holster options and everything are limited right now just because it released last month and like they're not making the field dark earth magazines for it. So like I have field dark earth gun but black magazines, so that like the aesthetics a little off. But because my flashlight I ordered a goon beam, by the way. Well, it's because every big. Well, because the optic whatever lasers on handguns are stupid the optic itself is the black version and then my flashlight will be black. So it'll be like field dark earth and black two-tone or field dark earth accompanied with black accoutrements. So overall impressions, i'm really happy with the firearm. I haven't shot it in competition yet but I'll probably will hear soon just to see how it does, how it performs in comparison to my FNX. So if you've been looking for a new modern 45, highly recommend the FN 545.

Kim: 42:24

Tactical love it he loves it all, not, no, i guess, anything else you'd like to add to today?

Maverick: 42:34

you've been talking about. You've been looking at this like submarine with five people missing yeah, the Titanic.

Kim: 42:40

I wonder if I heard that someone before got stuck underneath and like talked about how they got, were able to get out, but they, like I don't know, they that you know, it's $250,000 per seat to go down and there's five people on board. Yeah, well, the billionaire is the guy well, i think it's stupid. Well, there I, i pray and hope that they are found safely as do I but I, from what I understand it, the oxygen is only 40 hours of oxygen left.

Kim: 43:12

Well, that was four hours ago that was, i think if they had, like what? enough oxygen for like 90 something hours, and that's already surpassed. No, are you sure?

Maverick: 43:22

they briefed earlier this afternoon. They had 40 hours of oxygen left, but well one. They fucked up and they called the Coast Guard first. The Coast Guard has no they can't go down the Coast Guard has no ASW capability, right, so they should have called the fucking Navy. Well, did they call the Navy? well, they said more. More search and rescue platforms are in route maybe who do you think they called?

Kim: 43:48

we have planes designed to hunt submarines, so well, i mean if they're stuck in a room somewhere or under they're not in the Titanic that's what they were saying they go down to see the Titanic no, but I thought, well, yeah, but I thought that they got there and it got lost somewhere, like if they might be stuck underneath it or something. If they're exploring, they are like they're explaining they might be stuck somewhere could be, who knows?

Maverick: 44:14

I?

Kim: 44:14

mean, but what do you think could?

Maverick: 44:17

have happened the. Russians possibly I think the Russians got them you think so yeah yeah, i don't know. I I hope and pray for the safe return of all of those on board.

Kim: 44:36

Well, that's a horrible way to go, because you think about it like a fixation they pass away they'll go to sleep first yeah, but like you can't

Maverick: 44:45

breathe, yeah, but you'll just like the ox. The way your body works is like as your oxygen slowly goes down, you just go to sleep and don't wake up. It's like you're not gonna know. You're just gonna go to sleep and die. But the thing that the thing was crazy to me is they paid $250,000 and I watched the walkthrough of this submarine. It's literally controlled with a video game controller and there's a curtain. Like if you have to go to the bathroom, there's a curtain, they just turn the music up. So you pay $250,000 to shit in a bucket.

Kim: 45:14

I'm gonna find treasure like I don't care to well, the heart of the oceans down there.

Maverick: 45:23

I watched Rose throw it and I guarantee you jack's down there somewhere cuz that selfish bitch. There was room for two people in that door there was definitely room for two people on that I've seen the breakdown did you see that?

Kim: 45:33

he tried to talk about how there wasn't room for a tune? like no, everyone they're like. There's studies? like no, we just know that that's how he wanted the movie to be she was a selfish whore. Well, never, anyhow is what it is. She lived life, poor Jack, poorly. Narnia's been 84 years.

Maverick: 45:56

Yeah, well anyway all right.

Kim: 45:58

Well, for all those of you out there, it is meant mental health awareness month, so, please, and pride month and pride month. So but grab your loved one, tell him you love them, cuz you never know what tomorrow can bring. And I think that's all I got to add. Thank you for I got. I got a closing comment.

Maverick: 46:23

And the guys at bang steel like this okay, well, i hope they listen all gun law is unconstitutional and isn't infringement of my second amendment. Right, okay, because the fact that I can't go on Amazon and buy an M67 fragmentation grenade is all the proof that I need now. I really hope to see those guys soon. I'm gonna schedule some class time to go down there and see him.

Kim: 46:49

Let the six five stretch its legs, but anyway, enough of that we're glad that you guys have stuck with us and we hope you continue to. We're gonna continue to try to do better and post weekly we upgraded equipment so we did. We're slowly upgrading to more equipment to do better. So, as always, you can follow us on Instagram at messy butts and shotguns. You can also follow us both on tiktok, so thank.

Kim: 47:17

My handle is at Kim possible 1473 and I think yours is they Maverick no, it's just Maverick underscore 915 they call me Maverick is my Instagram anyway, you can find all of our stuff through our Instagram page and, as always, we'd love to hear from you your comments. Let us know how the sound quality changed yeah, because I upgraded equipment and it better work. No, so you.